Unexpectedly 2024 began with two people approaching me in ways totally unexpected.
Emotionally it stirred me up a great deal. Neither person was negative. Both showed an interest in connecting. Both I want to actually connect to. Both had left me behind a long time ago.
So it hurt. The seperations were not something I had wanted. I had striven to be close to them. Obviously, regardless of todays contact, I am not actually at all close to either. That stirrs me. It brings up old desires and wants of mental and emotional intimacy.
Will these people really re-enter my life? Or is it just passing, the remnants of a life long gone, slowly fading, but not quite dead in their memories.
I honestly do not know. I look at myself and see I need to regulate my response – internal and external. Practice detachment. Deal with them in a controlled and respectful manner. I tell myself to focus on my goals, my own life, and if they want to enter it is their choice…and mine, in so much as I judge their seroousness and honesty.
For it is far too easy for me to overshare, to open my heart wide, to be fooled and hoodwinked. It can take years for me to realise I have been had.
It is certainly a strange year already.
Nigel, the Autistic Companion 